Abrasion Woman and Muttering Man, aka, the Ugly Americans in Puerto Rico

by T. M. Boyd
            “Two to the left…No, your other left.”

            Thwack.

            “Ouch!”

            The Ugly Americans strike again.  This time they spent an interminable forty-five minutes piloting their kayak into mangrove trees en route to a lagoon to view bioluminescent dinoflagellates.  And I had the misfortune to be stuck behind them.  And then beside them in the lagoon as they complained to the tour guide.  I didn’t escape them until the trip was over and I was back in the bay in Fajardo.

            We spent a night touring the Bio Bay in Fajardo, Puerto Rico, with Island Kayaking Adventures.  The trip should have been a fun one, and in many respects it was.  Heading out just before 9:00 PM to kayak through a channel in a mangrove swamp to a lagoon where bioluminescent dinoflagellates congregate.  Then paddle back to the bay in Fajardo and do some shopping among the local artisans who had set up tables next to the Bio Bay tour operators.  For me, a kayak trip beats drinks at a bar and dancing at a disco every time.

But it is hard to get through a narrow channel when the kayak in front of you is perpendicular to the flow of the water and has its nose buried in a tangle of mangrove branches.  Repeatedly.

I should have known what to expect when I perused our group for the evening and found a half a dozen older couples that were extremely well preserved.  Retirement age, but looking much younger.  The ladies, especially, had their hair perfectly peroxided and styled.  They had to have escaped from the wrangler on their cruise ship, I’m just not sure how…probably nagged the poor soul to death.

First they were concerned about the security of leaving their shoes in a blue tub to sit on the beach while they were out kayaking.  Then they couldn’t feel the darkness around them as we hit the channel in the mangrove swamp, and spent the trip out and back being dribbled back and forth between the edges of the channel like a basketball.  They got so turned around and fell so far behind the tour group, they lost sight of the blue lights in front of them (every tour operator has a different color light on their life jackets so that they can identify their tour members) and had to have the tour guide bringing up the rear shine his flashlight on the channel in front of them so they could see where they were going.  And on one of the collisions, the woman I will forevermore refer to as Abrasion Woman scraped her nose on a branch.

It would have been exhausting had it not been so aggravating.

Then we got to the lagoon and they could not figure out how to paddle their kayak alongside another.  I finally had to grab Muttering Man’s paddle and pull him in.  Yes, I had to sit RIGHT NEXT TO THEM during the lagoon lecture.  And when Miguel, the lead tour guide, told us to swish our hands and/or our paddles in the water to get the dinoflagellates to luminesce, Muttering Man grumbled, “Then why did you make us park side by side?”

But his grousing could not hold a candle to his wife’s, Abrasion Woman’s, complaining to Miguel when she could have been swishing with the rest of us.  I wish I were making up this exchange.

“Excuse me, young man.”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“During the journey out here I was hit in the face by a branch and I now have an abrasion on my nose.”

Not a scratch.  Not a cut.  Not a scrape.  An abrasion.

I have to hand it to Miguel and the other tour guides (Abe and Nave).  They were extremely conscientious about examining her abrasion and promising to get her medical treatment as soon as they returned to the dock.  They were so courteous and concerned that they eventually got Abrasion Woman to back down and admit that her injury was not severe enough to require such measures.

And the whole time this was going on, her paddle was hitting me in the legs.  I so badly wanted to tap her on the shoulder and say, “Excuse me, but your paddle is abrading my shins.  Would you move it, please?”

I can’t recall now why I didn’t.  I’m certain she never knew that her paddle was assaulting me.

And therein lies the frustration that the rest of the world has with the Ugly American – they are so swathed in privilege and entitlement that they forget the world does not revolve around them.  The Ugly American is absolute in his or her belief that others should bend to accommodate them.  The fact that the Ugly American is in someone else’s home is irrelevant.  Have they never heard the phrase, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do?”

I made the statement a few paragraphs earlier about the Preserved Ones’ inability to feel the darkness around them.  What I meant by that was they had absolutely no awareness of where they were or what was in their vicinity.  The mangrove trees were home to any number of insects and animals, including iguanas and Puerto Rican boas, and when any humans wandered too close to the trees, everything became hushed and expectant.  If you were paying attention, you could literally feel the dark pressing back against you.  And you knew to paddle away for a stroke or two, which would take you back to the center of the channel.  But Abrasion Woman and Muttering Man, as well as most of their friends, could not perceive that.  Apparently, in their minds, the branches and animals should have given way to them.

They didn’t even have the sense to look up.  The trip in was cloudy, but the cloud cover had lifted by the time we headed back.  In many parts of the channel, the canopy was open.  If you looked up and could see stars, you were in the center of the channel and clear of the mangroves.  That seems so painfully obvious to me!  But they were too busy demanding light from a tour guide’s flashlight to look at what they were asking the tour guides to illuminate.  Tragic.

And embarrassing for those of us who are not so self-absorbed but were a part of the tour group and associated with them nonetheless.  Miguel commented to my friend how badly behaved our group was, and I am forced to agree.  Even I couldn’t wait to flee from the cruise ship escapees, and I had been looking forward to this particular tour for weeks.

The next time I am in Puerto Rico (and I am definitely going back) I intend to take this tour again.  And if there are any Ugly Americans in my next tour group, I fear I may push them off their kayaks and into the channel.  I have no doubt I will have made it to the lagoon and back before they manage to scrabble back into their kayaks. 

They’ll be too busy bickering and complaining.

Travel as an Empty Vessel

By J. Schlasner

After my trip to Puerto Rico, some fantastic talks with Dr. C that helped me understand my travel interests, and a lot of new writing experience, I can say that I better understand my personal goals as a travel writer to an extent.

Without the willingness to try new things, I wouldn't have eaten the tostones.

I came to realize that travel writing is a very honest, introspective experience for me.  As a slight introvert, I’ve become adept at observation before action when in a new place, and I would like to encourage this behavior in other travelers.

In my writing, I also have no problem with admitting my natural awkwardness and confusion as I try to figure out local customs. I feel it’s an important part of the experience of visiting a new place for the first time.

I’d actually prefer that all of my travel articles carry this element. I think it’s important to remind travelers that when first encountering a new culture, we are all ignorant, and that’s exciting and good.  We can’t learn anything if we think we already know it all. 

This emptiness and quiet observation of a culture, is quite possibly the most important aspect of a travel narrative for me.  Too many people barge into a host country, expecting to be catered to in every way possible (see T.M. Boyd’s Ugly Americans article), and end up turning their experience into another version of their own culture while completely missing the unique experience that country has to offer.

The El Yunque Visitor's Center is an example of culture through architecture.

The topics I prefer to focus on are what I refer to as the ‘cultural arts’, or art that reveals something about the culture it comes from, not just the individual.  Things that I feel fall under this category are preforming arts, visual arts, food, and architecture, and even municipal planning. 

Lastly, as someone who has had a physical limitation her whole life, I also like to keep an eye out for possible complications for my fellow disabled travelers.  More resources should be made readily available to help them research their destination ahead of time and make plans and arrangements based on their limitations.

I hope I will one day be able to consistently integrate my goals into each piece of travel writing I create.

Are the Boricua Ready for Statehood?

By J. Schlasner

Artífices by Edwin Báez Carrasquillo is a perfect visual representation of the history of Boricua culture.

The Puerto Rican people are known to one another as Boricua, which essentially means “Puerto Rican”.  I personally love the word.  Since most Puerto Ricans are a mixture of Taíno, African, and European, race is relatively ambiguous on the island. Instead, Puerto Ricans identify as a race through their culture. This culture appears to be evolving, however, and Puerto Rico is now nearly split down the middle on whether or not to join the U.S. as a state.

Puerto Rico has been a U.S. commonwealth for about two generations, just over fifty years.  If its time as a colony is included in this equation, Puerto Rico has been under U.S. influence for over one hundred years.  During that time, its culture has been evolving to include more Americanized habits.

This change is partially due to the U.S. occupation in 1898 as well as subsequent attempts to impose American habits on the population.  Now, proximity to the U.S., a travel industry frequented by American citizens, an ever-growing population of Puerto Ricans dependent on jobs in the U.S., and increasing participation in American politics seem to be pulling the Boricua into a more Americanized way of life.
I met a boy and his mother who were returning to the island after a job search in Colorado.  The boy’s mother had been working in the U.S. for years already. Though he was born in San Juan, the young boy had no memory of the island.  Still, he loved his home and spoke with me excitedly about it the whole trip.

Today, the number of Puerto Ricans who live in the U.S. exceeds the number of Puerto Ricans who live in Puerto Rico by about a third. There are many more children like this one who identify as Puerto Rican but who haven't been on the island in their memorable past.  As part of the Boricua diaspora, these children learn about their home and their Puerto Rican culture from their family, but are influenced daily by their American surroundings. 
For those still on the island, visiting the U.S. to see family is becoming more common.  Miguel, a tour guide in Fajardo, said that he has family in the U.S. whom he visits regularly.  He also mentioned that he enjoys playing video games, which is considered to be a more stereotypically American activity.  He claims that it was his cousins in the U.S. that introduced him to it.
With so many Puerto Ricans now sprinkled across the United States, it was only natural that Puerto Rico take a look at joining the Union themselves, as a state.  The U.S. has shown past support of such a move when they passed the Puerto Rico Democracy Act of 2010, which allows for a Puerto Rican citizen's vote on the issue of statehood.
Last November, Puerto Rico held this vote.  Though the results showed that 54 percent of Puerto Ricans fully support pursuing statehood at this time, over 480,000 voters left their answer blank, skewing the results.

U.S., Puerto Rico flags fly at equal height before the PR capital.

Thanks to these empty votes, the U.S. is now trying to raise money to arrange another plebiscite to decide whether or not the people of Puerto Rico wish to pursue statehood or not.  This will be the first time the U.S. has funded a status vote for Puerto Rico.
The Puerto Rican culture is Americanizing rapidly, but the newest generations seem to have found a balance of Boricua and American that works for them. Will finding that cultural balance be enough to win them statehood, or has enough time passed for the Boricua to forgive the nation that conquered them?


All photos by J. Schlasner (2013)

Music, Puerto Rico, and the Trovador

By J. Schlasner
Music is as much a part of the Puerto Rican experience as bright colors, rice and beans, and dropping the S at the ends of words.  

Don Chema with a mural of Trovador legends.

According to Marta who works at the The House of the Composer Héctor Flores Osuna in Caguas, music is so integrated into the Puerto Rican culture that jukeboxes used to stand outside the buildings for public use, and men would use them to serenade their sweethearts.

Though this tradition has gone the way of the jukebox, the streets of Puerto Rico remain constantly filled with music.  Puerto Rican music is the most played Caribbean music in the US, according to Welcome to Puerto Rico.  And Puerto Rican music isn’t just Salsa.  From the harder drum beats and brass of Bomba y Plena to the newer Reggaeton, Puerto Rican music is as diverse as the people who created it.

The twangy folk music of the Trovadors, similar to the old European Troubadours, has especially impressed me with its complexity.  The level of creativity and both musical and lyrical knowledge required of the Trovador artist to pull of a successful performance is exceptionally high. 

Rhyme and meter scheme of a Trovador song.

“[Trovador] is very difficult because the people don’t write the song [down].  They use their imagination,” said our guide to Puerto Rico, Jose Pereira.  He went on to explain that a Trovador show begins with the audience submitting a first line of sorts.  And from that line, the artist must come up with a full song following the Trovador rhythm, meter, and rhyme scheme (see photo) on the spot.

According to Jose, a lot of people try to make the song even more difficult by submitting challenging first lines.  But even without a difficult first line to rhyme, a fully impromptu Trovador song following a specific rhyme structure takes a creative musician with a quick mind and a mastery of language to pull off.

For more information on Puerto Rican music, check out any of the links above or stop by the Casa del Trovador Luis Miranda in Caguas, Puerto Rico and have Don Chema show you around!

Photos by J. Schlasner (2013). 

Tobacco, More Than a Cash Crop

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Tobacco in Puerto Rico is as much a commodity as it is a way of life.  It has served as medicine for the Taíno Indians and for today’s traditionalists.  It has also provided education to people who may not have otherwise received any.  In addition, Puerto Rico has the unique distinction of being originally responsible for introducing tobacco to Europe via Christopher Columbus.

El lector, a typical cigar rollers' workspace circa 1900.

After a rough start involving slavery and a ban on the sale of tobacco to foreigners imposed by Spain in the 16th century, commercial tobacco began to flourish in the 18th century.  This led to tobacco eventually becoming the third largest exported crop for Puerto Rico, just behind sugar and tobacco. 

In the two centuries following the tobacco boom, the men who rolled tobacco for a living became some of the most intelligent, free thinking men of the time.  This was because the manufacturers they worked for would pay men to read great works of literature to entertain them as they rolled, which provided free education for people who may not have access to it otherwise.

Despite the end of cigarette production 1930, small farm owners have continued to grow tobacco as cigar fillers.  In the 1950s, Puerto Rico’s cigar production paid off when the US was no longer able to obtain Cuban cigars.

Ramona has been rolling tobacco since she was sixteen!

Though Puerto Rico no longer exports cigarettes, cigars are still hand rolled in the Museo del Tabaco in Caguas, Puerto Rico and can be bought there for about a buck a cigar.  The museum also offers tours and hosts events, workshops, and seminars.  But the highlight of the trip, by far, is getting the chance to see some tobacco rollers in action.  So, if you're ever in Caguas, be sure to set so time aside to drop in during their business hours to see the show!

For a slightly more in-depth look at the history of Puerto Rican tobacco, check out the history page of yet another of the many companies that sell Puerto Rican tobacco, Don Abram Harris.

All photos by J. Schlasner (2013).

Never Sit Still: The Allure of Travel Writing

The author takes a photo of the Louvre ceiling.

By J. Schlasner
As an Air Force and oil refinery brat, I’ve moved quite a bit as a child. I became accustomed to nearly annual changes in scenery, friends, schools, and sometimes cultures. When I moved out of my family’s house and into a life of my own, all of that motion suddenly stopped. 

I found myself settled, trapped by the limitations of my own gas budget. The rest of the world still held an interest for me, though, so instead I saw the world through the eyes of others through their work:  cultural studies, sociology, travel literature, films, and television shows. I was in awe of these authors, a profession I’d already chosen for myself at a very young age, who were able to travel and study people and art and food for a living. It was a dream to me—an unrealizable dream.

A tinier author on her first trip out of the continental US.

When I saw the posting for the Puerto Rico classes, I jumped at the opportunity. Though I had never thought of going to Puerto Rico in particular, I knew that this was the chance I’d been looking for to learn more about travel writing techniques and how to go about making it my career. Besides, it had been too long since I last had the chance to observe people just like me whose brains had developed in a culture decidedly different from my own. I can honestly say that is the most attractive aspect of traveling abroad to me. Well, that and the food.

Learning about others and experiencing the world from another point of view makes me feel like a whole person. Sharing photos and stories of the worlds and people I encounter gives me purpose.


 Photos c/o the Schlasner family (2008), (1990).

Why travel writing?

by T. M. Boyd

Why I Want to Study in Puerto Rico

            I am interested in the travel writing class for a number of reasons, chief among them being that I live for traveling (almost as much as I live for writing) and would love to have a career that incorporates both writing and international travel.  Previously I have lived in South Korea and Bolivia, and I have travelled to many amazing places, including Cuba.  It would be wonderful to be able to share those experiences with more than my nieces and nephews.

            Additionally, I would like to educate the American public about some of the issues overseas that we as Americans are fortunate enough not to encounter in our everyday lives.  Things that we take for granted, like turning on the tap and having potable water, or flipping a light switch and having the lights come on, are the exception for most of the world, not the norm.  And yet, despite these challenges, the world is filled with wondrous places and exceptional people that can teach us a great deal about living, if we are only intelligent enough to listen.

Finally, I would like to study in Puerto Rico so that I can visit an American territory, which I have never done before, and travel to a new place (at least new to me).  This class is also an excellent opportunity to exercise my rusty Spanish.  Most importantly, this class is an opportunity to learn a new writing skill, travel writing.

After the trip to Puerto Rico, I don’t really have anything to add to my original application essay, although I have to admit the second paragraph gets pretty preachy.  It is difficult for me to remember that very few people have had the overseas experiences I have had.  Living in South Korea during the Asian Economic Crisis.  Living in Bolivia during a presidential election, when the country had been a stable democracy for only 20 years.  Spending a week (kind of) exploring Cuba as part of an international education conference.  And, of course, the fantastic trip to Puerto Rico, which I don’t count as international travel, though many would.  All of my travels have been magnificent and terrible, uplifting and heartbreaking, and above all, educational.

I meant what I said about the world being filled with wondrous places and people, both good and bad.  I also meant what I said about Americans not being particularly skilled at listening (more on that in a later entry).  Most importantly, I am deeply committed to sharing the world with those unable (or unwilling) to experience it for themselves.  Hopefully this guest blog will be a successful launching pad.